(Ley Melrose was an adult in the Caldecott Community while it was at Mersham-le-Hatch, and this is a transcript of part of an interview with her.)
It was a very interesting time, there was an incident – and oh, how familiar that was! - with a boy who'd been promised that his mother would come and she didn't turn up, and he was really, so upset he withdrew into himself, and you just couldn't reach him. I didn't know of any magic way that you could offer any comfort or help, and the only thing was that suddenly came into mind, and again you can't account for these things was saying to him, 'Do you know, it's a funny thing that sometimes I love people but I don't like them. And I find that ever so difficult', and he started listening, and then after a bit he said, 'oh' and I said something about 'I think your mummy loves you, but maybe she doesn't like you enough to make the effort to come and see you.' And this lad looked up and he said, 'That's how I feel. I love her – but I don't like her! I don't hate her at the moment – I did hate her a minute ago...' and it was a breakthrough. I just don't know where these ideas come from, they just suddenly, suddenly come.
Then there were the fun bits, where there was one boy who said 'My Grandma-ma is called [so and so]' and the little cockney lad next door said, 'Oh what's she called that for – mine's called Gran!' [laughs] and that was lovely. There were incidents of course, obviously, when fights used to start up with the boys, it, especially the older boys down below, it was very contagious, I think they call it 'group contagion' and there'd be furniture hurled about. I managed to dodge the furniture, it was roughly all right. But with my group, I had no compunction in those days, I used to get them by their hair, and pull them apart, I mean these days it would be assault – definitely!
But it seemed to work, as long as they were both treated the same, boys seemed to be able to accept that. Fairness was an important element. But oh, what a different thing with the girls! I didn't have a lot to do with them, except when they were mixed in groups but this particular time I must have been going past and I could see there was an uproar going on, they were running up and down. They were supposed to be going to bed and the ringleader was just by me, so I gave her a push into a room and held on to the handle, and thought that will solve it, I've got the ringleader. My word! Just all mayhem was let loose! It actually took Miss Leila and Miss Dave two days to pull it down. The girls were pushing staff down the stairs. I didn't actually witness it for myself, but I understand that there was a staff whose head was put down the lavatory pan, and the chain pulled, it was just up, down and round. A big lesson I learnt from that eventually, was that with boys you went in, but with girls, you weaved – you sort of pulled away the ones who were less involved, and gradually, very gradually, you let the main folks feel more isolated, not so backed up, and then they seemed to calm down eventually, and I suppose after two days, almost days and nights, they were probably exhausted anyway. But oh, I felt dreadful, and so apologetic, but it was a wonderful lesson, which I never forgot. [Laughs] And when it came to dealing with the adolescents that I had to deal with, it was really, really useful, many times. [Laughs] Not necessarily at that level, but using the knowledge in an approved girls school, when I had a placement there. Yes there were lots of incidents that occurred after leaving Hatch.
Another thing that happened that I remember clearly was, I lost my temper, and slapped a boy. It certainly wasn't a usual thing, but I didn't really think that much about it. He went straight off to Miss Leila and complained. Miss Leila sent for us and I thought, oh help, but she was just incredible 'cos she said, 'Do you know...' (to the boy), 'it's not very useful to provoke adults. They are human and they do have limits. I think it would be a good idea if you learnt from this and you apologised.' And then she turned to me, and she said, 'It's not a useful way to deal with something by slapping somebody. It really doesn't solve anything very much. I think it would be a good idea if you apologised.' And, I'd never thought of it before, I mean yes, I said the odd 'sorry', but I never really apologised to a child before, and that again was an incredible lesson. It was all right, I didn't lose face, or whatever it was I and adults believed, it was okay. What was said to me afterwards was, this lad had a very bad experience of being beaten, that really went home. I think that it was out of that, that I realised that I need to think more seriously how you dealt with things like that. Yes I wanted it to have some positive meaning for the child, that sounds a bit high-faluting, but one struggles in one's twenties, [laughs] with life and how it is.